I was cleaning my house (and saw pigs flying outside my window) and found my old Creative Writing folder. There was one thing I wanted to find and was very pleased to do so. It was an assignment to write something about someone you admired, and I wrote it about my Mom. This might have been written 15 years ago, but it all still applies! :-)
Mom (September, 1995)
She is a short, silver-haired dynamo. She walks very fast and with a slight lean forward, as if her legs just don't move fast enough for her. She has an unwrinkled face with sparkling blue eyes and a bright, pink-lipped smile, and a ready laugh. Somehow the cloud of white hair doesn't match the youth and personality shining through her.
What is her secret? "I enjoy life! I believe that if you greet each day with a smile, you can't go wrong. I also truly believe that the more you give, the more you get. I have lived a full life, a life full of joy and sorrow, but the Lord has blessed me with the ability to accept the sorrows and celebrate the joys -- this keeps me young!"
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
I saw Jesus today...
No really! He was on the bus this morning! OK, not really. But I've never wanted to take a picture of a complete stranger SO much in my life! He got on the DC Circulator in Columbia Heights (I think), a man of African descent, probably around 40, with slightly graying dreads down to his elbows, and a slightly gaunt, handsome face, with deep, very serene eyes. He wore a cream coloured loose-fitting shirt and black palazzo pants and sandals, and he sat on the edge of his seat with one foot on the ground in front of him and the other on the step down... and he seemed so very comfortable in himself.
He got off the bus at 14th and P Streets, and I wanted to follow him.
Maybe it was his serenity, maybe it was the palazzo pants, maybe it was the realization that he looked closer to what Jesus probably really DID look like (although I'm not sure about the dreads...), but... I saw Jesus today and it was cool.
He got off the bus at 14th and P Streets, and I wanted to follow him.
Maybe it was his serenity, maybe it was the palazzo pants, maybe it was the realization that he looked closer to what Jesus probably really DID look like (although I'm not sure about the dreads...), but... I saw Jesus today and it was cool.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I don't want to talk about it
Have you ever said that? And then the person you're speaking with probes you for more information? That drives me crazy.
I had to make a tough decision last week to NOT go on a vacation I had been looking forward to for a while. The decision was based on some work issues and some personal stuff, but nothing major except that I was stressing out and having made the decision made me feel better.
So, this guy at work -- not a close friend, but we had spoken about this vacation -- catches me in the kitchen and asks me if I am counting the days etc - so I told him that I had had to cancel it. He asked me what happened. I was in a rush, and just said, "Well, a combination of work and personal stuff, blah blah blah..." (Literally said "blah blah blah" as I'm re-filling my water bottle between meetings).
I figured that was it, but he came up to me and said, sotto voce: "Soooo, what happened?"
"Um, well," I stepped back a bit, "I don't really want to get into it, OK?"
"So, was it work stuff? Family stuff?"
*slightly long pause as I just stare him*
"As I said, I don't really want to talk about it right now, OK? It's nothing awful, just ... ya know..."
"Oh. OHHH!" he said as if whatever "it" was had just dawned on him, "Well, I hope it all gets better!"
... and I walked away...
I walked back to my office thinking, "what part of "I don't really want to get into it" did you not understand?" Is it me? It's not like he's my closest friend who might understand it all, and it's also not like anyone is injured or anything, it's just that it was less stressful for me to decide NOT to go than to keep trying to go! And it really isn't any of his business!
Now, the big difference? When I talked about the same thing with my close friend, I did a bit of an experiment and said, "I don't really want to get into it, it was just some work stuff and some personal stuff." She said, "Well, I understand that. If you want to talk about it, just let me know -- but the main things is: do you feel better about having made the decision?"
And THAT, my friends, is why she IS my close friend... :-)
I had to make a tough decision last week to NOT go on a vacation I had been looking forward to for a while. The decision was based on some work issues and some personal stuff, but nothing major except that I was stressing out and having made the decision made me feel better.
So, this guy at work -- not a close friend, but we had spoken about this vacation -- catches me in the kitchen and asks me if I am counting the days etc - so I told him that I had had to cancel it. He asked me what happened. I was in a rush, and just said, "Well, a combination of work and personal stuff, blah blah blah..." (Literally said "blah blah blah" as I'm re-filling my water bottle between meetings).
I figured that was it, but he came up to me and said, sotto voce: "Soooo, what happened?"
"Um, well," I stepped back a bit, "I don't really want to get into it, OK?"
"So, was it work stuff? Family stuff?"
*slightly long pause as I just stare him*
"As I said, I don't really want to talk about it right now, OK? It's nothing awful, just ... ya know..."
"Oh. OHHH!" he said as if whatever "it" was had just dawned on him, "Well, I hope it all gets better!"
... and I walked away...
I walked back to my office thinking, "what part of "I don't really want to get into it" did you not understand?" Is it me? It's not like he's my closest friend who might understand it all, and it's also not like anyone is injured or anything, it's just that it was less stressful for me to decide NOT to go than to keep trying to go! And it really isn't any of his business!
Now, the big difference? When I talked about the same thing with my close friend, I did a bit of an experiment and said, "I don't really want to get into it, it was just some work stuff and some personal stuff." She said, "Well, I understand that. If you want to talk about it, just let me know -- but the main things is: do you feel better about having made the decision?"
And THAT, my friends, is why she IS my close friend... :-)
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Fattitude
My sister has started writing a blog about her battle(s) with her weight and how she is winning the battle. It's most interesting to me because I followed her into a lot of those battles! When I was in High School, I felt I was WAAaaaay overweight - and looking back, I realize that I was NOT overweight, I was just athletic and had big boobs! Probably the fact that my brother decided to "protect" me from all of his guy friends by hanging the nickname "Ugly" on me didn't help much either, but that's a story for another time. The thing is, my senior year, I decided to stop "dieting" and working out (I did shot put, track, and swim team)... and I lost 25 lbs in about two weeks.
As I said in the comments on my sister's blog: For me, my weight battle is not so much about winning, it's more about being happy with who I am. So, I am beginning to embrace my "fattitude" and realize that my weight and my general appearance really DO have a lot to do with my attitude and how I'm feeling. Heck, if I don't love me, why should anyone else? Right? (Thank Phred for therapy! hahaha)
I learned a loooooong time ago that if I ever try to ban something from my diet, I crave it almost obsessively. No more chocolate! I WANT HERSHEY'S!!! No more red meat! ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME??? No more broccoli! Hey, that stuff is good for you! I'll eat as much as I want, so there... No more sex! *sigh*
Instead of eliminating the "bad" stuff from my diet, I've been able to reduce the amount of it I eat. For example: I would be a great vegetarian... except for that burger thing. I loooooooove burgers! Cheeseburgers! My favorite is with crispy bacon and blue cheese crumbles... oh YUM! My doctor would probably call that "heart attack on a plate" and she'd be right. I used to eat burgers a couple of times a week, because Nanny's makes AWESOME burgers - and burgers have made a sort of culinary renaissance lately so there are numerous "fancy" burger joints around. I started out telling myself I could only have one burger a week, and then eventually switched to one a month. The thing is, I realized recently that there have been months when I have more than one burger (such as this one), but then... there are also several months when I don't have a burger at all. All it has really done is help me be more aware of what I am eating. Instead of ALWAYS getting the burger, I'll think about how many I've had in the last few weeks. I've also started getting a salad with my burger instead of fries. Not really a big thing because I'm not really a big French Fries fan. They're all right, but give me a good salad with black olives and ranch dressing and I'm a goner! (Yeah, "healthy" salad... but better than fries!) The good thing? My cholesterol has gone down from "just over the border" to "just under the border". And I feel better.
The other thing I've done is start exercising again. DC recently opened a gorgeous, FREE 50-meter pool near my house, and I've got a gym in the basement of my building. With the weather (hopefully) turning nice, I hope to start running again... especially since I'm signed up to do the Army Ten Miler again in October! Swimming is still my favorite exercise, even though you have to wear a bathing suit. It just feels so good! I told a friend once that swimming just makes me feel long and lean. I'm 5'2" and well, not lean, but swimming makes me feel um... long and lean! What's not to like? :-)
Hmmmmm- I think I've been babbling. But that's a good thing, right? At least I'm writing, and I'm thinking, and I'm alive. Life is good. Sure beats the alternative!
OK - one last thing, name the movie:
Just remember: No matter where you go, there you are!
As I said in the comments on my sister's blog: For me, my weight battle is not so much about winning, it's more about being happy with who I am. So, I am beginning to embrace my "fattitude" and realize that my weight and my general appearance really DO have a lot to do with my attitude and how I'm feeling. Heck, if I don't love me, why should anyone else? Right? (Thank Phred for therapy! hahaha)
I learned a loooooong time ago that if I ever try to ban something from my diet, I crave it almost obsessively. No more chocolate! I WANT HERSHEY'S!!! No more red meat! ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME??? No more broccoli! Hey, that stuff is good for you! I'll eat as much as I want, so there... No more sex! *sigh*
Instead of eliminating the "bad" stuff from my diet, I've been able to reduce the amount of it I eat. For example: I would be a great vegetarian... except for that burger thing. I loooooooove burgers! Cheeseburgers! My favorite is with crispy bacon and blue cheese crumbles... oh YUM! My doctor would probably call that "heart attack on a plate" and she'd be right. I used to eat burgers a couple of times a week, because Nanny's makes AWESOME burgers - and burgers have made a sort of culinary renaissance lately so there are numerous "fancy" burger joints around. I started out telling myself I could only have one burger a week, and then eventually switched to one a month. The thing is, I realized recently that there have been months when I have more than one burger (such as this one), but then... there are also several months when I don't have a burger at all. All it has really done is help me be more aware of what I am eating. Instead of ALWAYS getting the burger, I'll think about how many I've had in the last few weeks. I've also started getting a salad with my burger instead of fries. Not really a big thing because I'm not really a big French Fries fan. They're all right, but give me a good salad with black olives and ranch dressing and I'm a goner! (Yeah, "healthy" salad... but better than fries!) The good thing? My cholesterol has gone down from "just over the border" to "just under the border". And I feel better.
The other thing I've done is start exercising again. DC recently opened a gorgeous, FREE 50-meter pool near my house, and I've got a gym in the basement of my building. With the weather (hopefully) turning nice, I hope to start running again... especially since I'm signed up to do the Army Ten Miler again in October! Swimming is still my favorite exercise, even though you have to wear a bathing suit. It just feels so good! I told a friend once that swimming just makes me feel long and lean. I'm 5'2" and well, not lean, but swimming makes me feel um... long and lean! What's not to like? :-)
Hmmmmm- I think I've been babbling. But that's a good thing, right? At least I'm writing, and I'm thinking, and I'm alive. Life is good. Sure beats the alternative!
OK - one last thing, name the movie:
Just remember: No matter where you go, there you are!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Bravery
I just read the most amazing story about bravery and just loved his definition:
Go check it out: And I'm Not Lying
I've had therapists like his and wish I had the cojones to say what he did!
Edited to add: And I didn't even realize the irony of my throw-away line at the end until JUST NOW! LOL *smack head*
Bravery isn’t being fearless. Fearlessness is idiocy. It’s why they recruit Marines so young.Well, the story is about cancer and depression, which sounds really depressing, but... it's not. It's about friendship and truth and life.
Being brave means being scared as hell and doing what you’ve got to do anyway.
Go check it out: And I'm Not Lying
I've had therapists like his and wish I had the cojones to say what he did!
Edited to add: And I didn't even realize the irony of my throw-away line at the end until JUST NOW! LOL *smack head*
Friday, May 14, 2010
Self Indulgent Rant
There's been something bothering me lately. It all started around Mother's Day, a day which is like any other Sunday, except that it has been put aside as the day to celebrate all mothers as the wonderful human beings they are because they gave birth to someone.
But that's not true. Just giving birth does not automatically make a person wonderful. Just ask Renee Bowman's daughters. But that's also not the point of this post.
In the last several years, I've had several married friends who have been unable to get pregnant naturally, so they have gone through IVF and other tortures in the desperate attempt to have children. Sadly, these attempts have not worked, so to them, Mother's Day is just a big fat slap in the face. As is any pregnant belly that accosts them at work or the store, or whatever. I love them and I feel for them, I really do. I think it would be great to have little versions of them running around in the world, especially because I would TOTALLY spoil them rotten. I think they would probably be great parents, and I empathize with them on the fact that they can't have children.
The problem is that really, neither can I. Well, I don't know if it is still physically possible, but realistically, I can't have children either. Why? I'm single. I haven't had a steady boyfriend in years, and it doesn't really look like I'm going to get one anytime soon. Or ever.
I've said this before, and people have responded with "Well, couldn't you do the sperm donor thing?" And they are completely missing the point: why would I want to create a child with some stranger who happens to meet whatever impersonal criteria I put on an application? Shouldn't a child be created out of love? Should I create a child just so that I can get the love I don't have in my life? That's just stupid. Quite honestly, I'm tired of being alone. But I'm not going to purposefully create a life just to keep me company. I have a cat for that.
But I think I would have been a great parent too, mostly because I'm a pretty good aunt (which I love being), but… it would have been nice to be able to have a child with someone I loved and who loved me and with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life, watching our kids grow up. My childless friends seem to forget that at least they have that person in their lives, even if they don't have the kids.
So – what's my point? I think this started really bothering me when one friend asked me how another friend who has been going through all the IVF stuff survived Mother's Day. I understood her concern, but the conversation went on and on about how sad it was to know that "you and your husband" couldn't have kids, and it just bothered me. I felt that my own heartbreak didn't matter.
And it does matter. It's the sort of thing that gets a girl depressed, which certainly doesn't help her meet and fall in love with the perfect man who will whisk her away on his Fluffy White Horse and swear his love and fidelity forever and ever and kiss her JUST right and they'll all live happily ev … *cough* Sorry about that... went off into Fantasyland there for a sec! ;-)
Anyway, self-indulgent rant over. I just wanted to say that there is another viewpoint in all of this. Yes, it's awful when you go through all of that and realize that your body just can't do what you need it to do. Just think how horrible you would feel if your body could do it, but there was no one to do it with.
.
.
.
OK, I'm going to see Robin Hood tonight so I can fantasize about a bearded rebel wearing leather and riding a big white horse. And don't worry, I'm seeing my therapist next week. :-) (And get your mind out of the gutter.)
Hugs and kisses, kiddycats!
But that's not true. Just giving birth does not automatically make a person wonderful. Just ask Renee Bowman's daughters. But that's also not the point of this post.
In the last several years, I've had several married friends who have been unable to get pregnant naturally, so they have gone through IVF and other tortures in the desperate attempt to have children. Sadly, these attempts have not worked, so to them, Mother's Day is just a big fat slap in the face. As is any pregnant belly that accosts them at work or the store, or whatever. I love them and I feel for them, I really do. I think it would be great to have little versions of them running around in the world, especially because I would TOTALLY spoil them rotten. I think they would probably be great parents, and I empathize with them on the fact that they can't have children.
The problem is that really, neither can I. Well, I don't know if it is still physically possible, but realistically, I can't have children either. Why? I'm single. I haven't had a steady boyfriend in years, and it doesn't really look like I'm going to get one anytime soon. Or ever.
I've said this before, and people have responded with "Well, couldn't you do the sperm donor thing?" And they are completely missing the point: why would I want to create a child with some stranger who happens to meet whatever impersonal criteria I put on an application? Shouldn't a child be created out of love? Should I create a child just so that I can get the love I don't have in my life? That's just stupid. Quite honestly, I'm tired of being alone. But I'm not going to purposefully create a life just to keep me company. I have a cat for that.
But I think I would have been a great parent too, mostly because I'm a pretty good aunt (which I love being), but… it would have been nice to be able to have a child with someone I loved and who loved me and with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life, watching our kids grow up. My childless friends seem to forget that at least they have that person in their lives, even if they don't have the kids.
So – what's my point? I think this started really bothering me when one friend asked me how another friend who has been going through all the IVF stuff survived Mother's Day. I understood her concern, but the conversation went on and on about how sad it was to know that "you and your husband" couldn't have kids, and it just bothered me. I felt that my own heartbreak didn't matter.
And it does matter. It's the sort of thing that gets a girl depressed, which certainly doesn't help her meet and fall in love with the perfect man who will whisk her away on his Fluffy White Horse and swear his love and fidelity forever and ever and kiss her JUST right and they'll all live happily ev … *cough* Sorry about that... went off into Fantasyland there for a sec! ;-)
Anyway, self-indulgent rant over. I just wanted to say that there is another viewpoint in all of this. Yes, it's awful when you go through all of that and realize that your body just can't do what you need it to do. Just think how horrible you would feel if your body could do it, but there was no one to do it with.
.
.
.
OK, I'm going to see Robin Hood tonight so I can fantasize about a bearded rebel wearing leather and riding a big white horse. And don't worry, I'm seeing my therapist next week. :-) (And get your mind out of the gutter.)
Hugs and kisses, kiddycats!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Spring Fashion in DC... ACK
Hello blog! How are you? It's been aaaaaages! I've missed you so! *hugs* *air kisses*
*AHEM*
Sorry. Sometimes I anthropomorphize(1) a tad too much.
And sometimes I get distracted by SAT words. In the immortal words of my sister...
"Squirrel!"
*snicker* *snort* *guffaw*
(I know, I know -- WAY too easily amused!)
ANYWAY - I haven't written in a while, but over the last week or so, something has made me take note and start writing a post in my head. Basically, Spring has sprung in DC and apparently it has so addled people's brains that they are commiting the worst fashion fox passes EVER!
I freely admit that I'm guilty of my own faux pas, such as flip flops with dresses, sneakers with work clothes, a basic wardrobe of t-shirts and jeans/shorts, etc. So, I'm not a fashion plate in ANY sense of the word and could probably be greatly helped by Clinton and Stacy, but ... c'mon people! Do you look in a mirror?
OK, a few cases in point:
But seriously, does the girl not have a mirror? Or friends? Kay and I solemnly swore that we would NEVER let each other out of the house wearing anything close to that. That's what friends are for, right?
*SIGH*
OH well - at least I haven't seen any women wearing white nylons yet. Yeah, I don't get it either. The only people who should wear white nylons are nurses, and I don't think even THAT is true anymore!
Let's review, shall we?
Men: Suit coats go with suit pants. Sports coats go with jeans or khakis. Sort of. Jeans shorts are right out.
Women: If you're going for something cutsey, you still need to be neat and clean and MATCH goldarnit!. And if you're going for the mini and your thighs meet at any point below the hem- RETHINK! NObody wants to see that! (My eyes, my eyes!)
And thank you Lord for knowing how weak-willed I am. Meow. I mean, Amen. :-)
OK - back to work, dear blogaroo. Keep in touch!
(1) SAT word of the day: anthropomorphism - The attribution of human motivation, characteristics, or behavior to inanimate objects, animals, or natural phenomena.
(2) Thank you Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous
*AHEM*
Sorry. Sometimes I anthropomorphize(1) a tad too much.
And sometimes I get distracted by SAT words. In the immortal words of my sister...
"Squirrel!"
*snicker* *snort* *guffaw*
(I know, I know -- WAY too easily amused!)
ANYWAY - I haven't written in a while, but over the last week or so, something has made me take note and start writing a post in my head. Basically, Spring has sprung in DC and apparently it has so addled people's brains that they are commiting the worst fashion fox passes EVER!
I freely admit that I'm guilty of my own faux pas, such as flip flops with dresses, sneakers with work clothes, a basic wardrobe of t-shirts and jeans/shorts, etc. So, I'm not a fashion plate in ANY sense of the word and could probably be greatly helped by Clinton and Stacy, but ... c'mon people! Do you look in a mirror?
OK, a few cases in point:
- Man on the metro, very nicely dressed in a suit and tie, dress shirt etc. And then he stands up and he's wearing JEANS! Seriously? Is it "casual day" only from the waist down? (And to make matters worse? He was wearing dress shoes!)
- Men at bars, on the metro, whereever... wearing jeans or khakis, button-down shirt, no tie and... a suit jacket. No, sorry, a suit jacket is NOT the same as a "sports" jacket. Just because it is shaped like a blazer does not mean it "goes" with jeans! And yes, this was not just one man, I saw this all over the place over the weekend.
- A woman on the metro in a very nice sleeveless silk sort-of-watercolor print dress, wearing nice pair of black mary-jane type heels... with white ankle socks! Hm. Going for a "cute, school-girly" look? Not working for you... and oh no! They AREN'T THE SAME PAIR OF SOCKS! AAAAGH!
- Last but not least... Let me set the scene for the most egregious case and the one that really prompted me to write: Easter Sunday, we go to the Marriott Wardman Park for a very nice champagne brunch. My friends and I are having a wonderful nosh when this teen girl walks in front of us on her way to the buffet. I turned, speechless, to my friend Kay, who was turning, speechless, to me. Oh. My. God! The girl was wearing a skirt so short the world's her gynecologist!(2) It was one of the bubble mini-skirts with ruffly things to make your ass look big (and did a great job too). It literally hugged her butt, and honey let me tell you, that was one butt that should not have been hugged! The poor teen was not fat, but she had enough heft to make that dress one of the worst decisions she'd made up to that point. Kay and I were just hoping she wouldn't bend over... "Oy, we're eatin' heeeere!"
But seriously, does the girl not have a mirror? Or friends? Kay and I solemnly swore that we would NEVER let each other out of the house wearing anything close to that. That's what friends are for, right?
*SIGH*
OH well - at least I haven't seen any women wearing white nylons yet. Yeah, I don't get it either. The only people who should wear white nylons are nurses, and I don't think even THAT is true anymore!
Let's review, shall we?
Men: Suit coats go with suit pants. Sports coats go with jeans or khakis. Sort of. Jeans shorts are right out.
Women: If you're going for something cutsey, you still need to be neat and clean and MATCH goldarnit!. And if you're going for the mini and your thighs meet at any point below the hem- RETHINK! NObody wants to see that! (My eyes, my eyes!)
And thank you Lord for knowing how weak-willed I am. Meow. I mean, Amen. :-)
OK - back to work, dear blogaroo. Keep in touch!
(1) SAT word of the day: anthropomorphism - The attribution of human motivation, characteristics, or behavior to inanimate objects, animals, or natural phenomena.
(2) Thank you Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous
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