Just ... get over it!

I can’t believe I said that to someone.

Especially someone who was obviously hurting, someone who is obviously suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome.

But…

He was an asshole and he didn’t listen and he just would. Not. Shut. UP!

OK, back story:

I met this guy a couple of weeks before I started my temporary relocation to Georgia.  He’s somewhat attractive, and he seemed intelligent and interesting.  My first thoughts were “Of course! I meet a great guy RIGHT before I move 650 miles away!”  But, luckily, the other side of my brain kicked in and reminded me that I had just met him and didn’t know a thing about him and really shouldn’t jump the gun on thinking “he’s the one” or anything stupid like that.

I saw him the next week and laughed with him that we had both been somewhat inebriated that first meeting, so I was kinda glad to meet him semi-sober.  Haha, silly goose!  It was about 7pm, and he was soused already.  But, we still had a fairly decent conversation.  But he told me some more of his story and I felt sorry for him (alcoholic parents, one of whom commit suicde when he was young), and then he talked about being embedded with troops in Iraq and how that affected him.  I suggested that he try therapy since it’s done wonders for me, but noooooo, he’s not having someone “shrink” him.  I mentioned again how it would be nice to meet him sober, and he just looked at me and said, “Sober.  Yes, that’s what I should do.  Get sober.”

I looked at him, and said, “Maybe that IS what you need to do. “

As it happened, I had been talking to a now-sober friend of mine shortly before that and she had given me information on AA meetings and a hotline and stuff like that.  I mentioned some of this to him and he was just sooooo thankful… as he ordered another drink.

Boy am I glad I’ve got that other side of the brain.  That boy is MEEEEEESSED UP! (I actually use a more succinct yet not-PG turn of phrase, but… you get the drift.)  He’s a journalist who used to cover the wars, but recently took on a new job with some really rich Indians so that he doesn’t have to go back to the desert, but he hates that job.  He is depressed, but refuses therapy, and he self-medicates by getting drunk, really drunk, I’m talking slurred words, squinty eyes, loss of motor function/brain kind of drunk… every night.  But he still has enough brain power to argue whatever his point is by shouting down the opposition.

When I was back in DC last time, I saw him a couple of times and it just was not good.  The guy has serious problems, and I just don’t know how to deal with them.  Or, whether I *should* deal with them.  I mean, I’m no picnic, and I have been known to hoist a few here and there… but, I think I’m a responsible drunk, er, drinker (“hydrate while you dehydrate!”), and at least I’m going to therapy on a semi-regular basis!  I know I have problems and I’m working on them!  But, I made conversation with him, continued to suggest therapy, and just let him rant.

But last weekend, some friends and I had been drinking all afternoon and it was pretty late, but we decided to go down to the bar where I had met this guy for a nightcap.  My friends sat at the end of the bar and I put my coat on the seat around the corner from them so we could talk, and then hit the ladies’ room before I sat down.  I had noticed a drink at the seat next to mine, but there was no one there at the time.  Until I came back from the bathroom and there he was.  Psychokiller, qu’est que c’est!

*heavy sigh*

So, I said “Hi” but then turned back to talk to my friends.  Of course, he kept pulling me back into his conversation, and I said, “I’m sorry, I’m here with other friends and I’m talking with them.”  Somewhere in there, he started on about how terrible his life is because he has seen war and seen people exploding and he went on into gory detail which, just by the way, I REALLY didn’t want to hear!  Finally, I just shouted back at him, “Would you just SHUT UP!”  He just yelled louder and got into more gruesome detail and finally I couldn’t take it anymore and I said, “Would you JUST GET OVER IT!?!”

He shut up.  The bartender, a good friend, looked at me, shocked.  My friends were shocked.  I was druuuuunk.  And angry.  And at the end of my rope.  I felt that I had done as much as I could for this guy and I didn’t want to be his punching bag anymore.  I feel awful for anyone who suffers from PTSD and I know full well that you can’t “just get over it”.  It’s awful, it’s terrible, and I can’t really even imagine it.  But I’m pretty sure going out and drinking yourself into oblivion every night isn’t going to help.  And laying everything down on anyone who will talk to you is just going to piss them off.  I like to help people, but I’ve got to remember that they have to help themselves before my help will do any good.

I just can’t believe I told someone to “just get over it”…

Southern Life

So, I’m kinda settling into Southern life a little now.

I’ve got cable internet which is faster and more reliable than using the Wi-Fi from next door. Only thing is it’s only available on the kitchen table. I also have a 13” TV which my brother and sister-in-law very kindly donated to me – but no cable TV hook-up. But that’s OK, I can watch TV shows on my laptop. In the kitchen. Or I can watch the HD TV at my parents’ house next door. (It worked VERY well for the Super Bowl!) 

Or I could just read…

Anyway - Every day I wake up around 7am, wash face or shower, try to get some exercises in because I’m not walking my normal 1.5-2 miles just getting around DC, feed the cat, fire up the computer and coffee maker, and start working at the kitchen table around 7:30am. I’ve been eating oatmeal for breakfast, but I also have bread, butter, and jam if I want toast instead. And of course, there’s grits, with cheese and butter because I’m a good Southern girl, y’all!

Well, not really. Last Friday, I made an appointment to get a haircut at the same time my mother got her hair “done” and the woman told me the name of the person who would be cutting my hair. I said, “Leah?” “No, Leee-yunnnn”... *face palm* I felt rude for having had to ask her to repeat the name, but I’m just not used to “Lynn” having multiple syllables. 

But Lynn did a pretty good job of cutting my hair… until she got to the bangs. It’s pretty simple really – long straight hair, cut off about 1.5” to 2” to get rid of the split ends. Bangs, cut while dry and keep them just at the eyebrows. Somehow, the bangs ended up about a ½” ABOVE the eyebrows, so every morning I now wake up looking like Freddie Mercury.

No, not this one (thank god!):

(Edited because the picture could not be linked into my post, so here's the link instead...)

THIS One:

Pic from of all places, a hair website article about the worst male celeb hairstyles… hahahaha

Ooo baby.  *sigh* Anyway – I spend the morning writing/revising documents, responding to emails, and generally doing my job (with the occasional peek at Facebook or DCist) until lunch. Most days I just grab a sandwich from my fridge and spend some quality time waking up my cat and annoying him, but today I grabbed my sandwich making stuff and walked ALL THE WAY (about 20 steps) to my parents’ house and had lunch with them. It was quite nice, and they seemed to enjoy the fact that we all sat at the table for lunch, and then we snarfed down our sammiches. Well, they had leftover KFC, which I couldn’t stomach (when did KFC start being so awful?) so I’m glad I brought my own sammich!

Yesterday, I went over a little early so I could take Mom to her writing group. Well, I don’t take her all the way there, but I take her to her friend’s house and then SHE drives her the rest of the way. It works out well because then I only take about an hour to get her there and I can pick up something on the way back. And Dad picks her up in the afternoon because we never know when the group will end and I generally have meetings on Tuesday afternoons.

Originally, I came down to Georgia to drive my parents everywhere because Mom had been the driver until she had a seizure and was told by the state of Georgia “YOU CAN’T DRIVE”. The good thing though is that Dad is actually getting up and driving Mom short distances. This is good because otherwise, Dad really doesn’t move. And that’s not healthy! He and his arthritic (and impossibly cute) dog are a total pair because neither of them wants to move too much, but at least Hogan gets outside a couple of times a day. I guess he has to, or it would be a really messy house! Heehee

SO – I am working four nine-hour days, generally 7:30am-5:30pm, unless I start early or have a shorter lunch. And then I have a half-day on Fridays, which is great! Last week, I gave myself retail therapy and went to Wal-Mart while Mom was visiting Miss Bonnie. It was fun! And I got some really great buys.

BUT… this weekend I head back to DC. And I can’t wait! Is that bad? I love my parents and I’m really enjoying my time with them. And I loved spending a night in Atlanta last weekend with my sister-in-law and niece and her gorgeous Border Collie, Jake. But… I’m a DC girl. And I want to get back home. Even if it’s colder there. I miss my city!

Of course, the drawback is that I have to leave the cat in Georgia...  meow

January? What's that?

Well, apparently January did not exist for this blog. But it sure did for me! Many things have happened over the last month, the most important of which is the fact that I am currently writing this post in the kitchen of my Mom and Dad's old house in Eatonton, GA.

Wait, did you say EATONTON, GEORGIA????

Why yes, yes I did! I'm not sure I mentioned it, but my mother had a health issue late last year, from which she has pretty much recovered, but she is still not allowed to drive for six months (by GA state law). Wouldn't be much of a problem except that Dad doesn't do well on driving long trips. In addition, my company is running out of office space, so they are trying to convince people to telecommute more. SO, I took these combined circumstances and decided to temporarily telecommute full-time from Georgia for a couple of months.

A couple of weeks ago, I rented a car for a week and drove nearly 12 hours from DC to GA... with a cat in the back seat. Oh, let me tell you, THAT was fun! ... NOT! Well, it wasn't too bad after the first rest stop when I took him out of the carrier and put him in the harness with the leash tied to the back seat belt. I had (very cleverly) prepared the back seat before the trip with a tarp AND a thick blanket to avoid having white cat hair everywhere, and that actually worked out well.



Calypso was happier having a little more freedom, and he quieted down when he ended up on the "hump" between the two front seats with his head resting against my leg. I tried to get him to pee in a box of litter at some of the rest areas, but he just looked at me like I was evil.



And the other travellers laaaaaughed at the sight of someone trying to "walk" a cat. Oh well, I'm used to being the source of amusement! :-)

We finally got to Mom and Dad's and I set him up in the back bedroom (used to be their's but they live next door in what used to be Grandmother's house), with access to the little powder room next door with the litter and some food and water. Not surprisingly, he snarfed down the food and water immediately! And then crawled up the bed in between the sheets and the spread... and pretty much stayed there for a week!

The problem with that was that I had to go back to DC for a week to figure out the technical glitches (i.e. very low Wifi service) and my mom was going to have to take care of him. Apparently, he was peaches and cream the first two days. And then he realized the weekend was over and I should have been back... but I wasn't. MREOW pht pht pht... and he scratched Mom. Oh no! But she let him be and still fed him and cleaned his box until I came back the following Sunday.

I had to drive back to DC (rental car, remember?), but I made amazing time, mostly because I only had to worry about one being's bodily functions. I was smart and started off about 5am, so I got home about 4pm. Not bad! Coming back to GA, I was lucky enough to have a niece who is a flight attendant on AirTran AND who has buddy passes! Of course, I had to get up at 3am on a Sunday morning to catch the 6am flight, but hey - it was free! (AND first class!) And Sara, Rachel, and Marla met me at the airport and we went to have a fantastic Southern breakfast at the Flying Biscuit, and then they drove me back down to Eatonton. It was LOT of fun!

Now I'm in GA for two weeks, then back to DC for a week, GA for three weeks, DC for a week, GA for three weeks, DC a week, GA for two weeks, and then we decide if I need to continue and/or if my company will let me. Calypso has come out from under the covers and is getting more comfortable with the house, if not necessarily my mother.



He's been "helping" me work from the kitchen table...




*snicker*

But he still runs back to the bedroom if Mom or Dad come over. *sigh*

Today, my sister (in law) is picking me so I can spend the night in Atlanta. Yay! That's a side benefit of being in GA: I get to see my brother's family! Yay!

Another benefit is that my dad sometimes comes over and plays the piano while I'm working. Wonderful! (ok, he came over once and played Claire de Lune. Wonderful!) And, that I have access to a piano AND ragtime piano music so I can remember how to play!

I have dinner with my parents every night and we watch "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy!", and just in case you don't think we have any excitement, just yesterday I went to the Walmart and got some really cute clothes for next to nothing!

...

Groannnn... My life has changed sooooo much...

Christmas Ad Nonsense

You know, I love the Christmas season as much as the next person with a Christian background.  The sounds and smells of Christmas, the generosity and good will that is more evident at this time of year, and the thoughts of love and peace and spending time with your family.

What I don't like about Christmas?  The terrible, awful, no good 'Holiday' ads on TV and radio.   And this year, a new trend* is having people (or animated icons) badly singing a bad Christmas carol with all the words changed to shill their wares.  They completely ignore the spiritual meaning of Christmas, unless it really is all about Santa and boosting the economy.

As I write, there's an Overstock.com ad to the tune of Jingle Bells on TV.  Another ubiquitous one is the new store called "HM" or something which is SOOooooooo bad, to the tune of The 12 Days of Christmas, and then there's that Honda dealership with all the employees singing Fa-la-la-la-laaa.

a) Most of these ads have people intentionally singing off key and/or just plain bad.  It's actually a little painful.

b) Changing the words of a carol to sell your products is just... really not right.  Also sorta lame because it is SO overdone.  I can't wait to see the ad featuring "Amazing Grace"as Amazing Chase Manhattan VISA™ ...


c) These ads play every five minutes. The same ads.  Over and over.  ARGH!  Stop stop stop, you're making me crazy!

All of this is not only making me crazy, but it is impeding my ability to get into the Christmas Spirit.  And I've only got a few more days!

OH well.  Thank goodness there's a total lunar eclipse tonight.  I'll have to stay up for that.

Happy Winter Solstice, y'all!

*or maybe I'm just noticing it more thanks to the awful Quizno's cat commercial earlier in the year - actually made me boycott Quizno's until they stopped playing it.  I guess they thought it was cute. Note to Quizno's:  IT'S NOT CUTE!!!! IT'S HORRIBLE!!!

The Help

I read the wildly popular book "The Help" the other day.  It's really good!  It's written in three different voices: two black maids and a white writer from Jackson, MS in 1962-1963.  It's a fascinating time and an even more fascinating viewpoint, and it's written very well so I recommend it highly.

But I looked up at one point while reading and smirked to myself at the irony.  I was sitting in a bar (pool hall, actually, but not a skeezy type of pool hall), listening to rap music requested by the white patrons who were dancing and posing like the "gangstas" they wish they could be.  It's nearly forty -- ack, FIFTY --  years after the times written about in "The Help" and there are still racists and bigots, and minorities still have an unfair disadvantage in many ways -- but now it's "cool" for white kids to act black or Hispanic or anything other than the preppy "Biff" and "Muffy" ways the white kids acted in "The Help".

I just found it an interesting juxtaposition.  (I'm pretty sure Miss Hilly would not approve.)

And yes, I'm that weird girl at the bar, reading a book.

Basic Guidelines for Professional Sports

Last weekend, the Minnesota Vikings came to Washington, DC to play my Washington Redskins at Fedex Field and I overheard this conversation between my bartender friend (QOTJ), and a customer:

Customer:   "So, how do you feel about 'your boy' coming to town to play the Redskins?"
QOTJ:           "My boy?"
Customer:  "You know, Brett Favre, who you've been drooling over for years?"
QOTJ:          "Oh, I don't like him any more… he's kinda icky now."

I laughed at the conversation, but it got me thinking.  First, I agree that Brett Favre has gone down in my estimation because of his hijinks that were revealed this year (no pun intended).  He used to just seem like a pretty decent guy who could really play football.  And there was the whole "Something About Mary" thing (Favvrrvrrvr).  But now?  Skeezy.  Same with Tiger Woods.  And many, many other idiot superstar athletes.

I think Tiger Woods hit the nail on the head in his "apology" when he said basically that he thought he was better than everyone else and none of "that" (i.e. laws, ethics, humanity, decency) applied to him.  That  disgusts me. 

So, I started wondering why has there been such an epidemic of sex scandals, steroid scandals, criminal activity, and well, just general "better than thou" stupidity surrounding these so-called "role models"?

Not even to mention the fact that anyone could think it's a good idea to send pictures of their "junk" via email or text msg – sheesh!  First of all: EWwww! Second: Have they not learned that anything sent electronically will eventually end up on the Internet for public review?  (Again,  EWWWW!)

So, after all of this thinking, I have decided to give those poor overpaid prima donnas some help.

Gigs' Basic Guidelines for Professional Sports

Basic Truths

1. Playing a game really well does not make you better than anyone.   Seriously.
2. Money does not buy class.
3. Money does not buy love.
4. Money does not buy respect.
5. All money buys is room, board, and stuff.

Basic Guidelines for Players

1. Be thankful and humble that you are lucky enough to work in a business that pays you so much to play a game.
2. Be gracious, and don't boast.  Quiet talent is always more appreciated than loud and flamboyant boasting.  (Example: Art Monk)
   
• Corollary:  Do not go ballistic when you make a good play unless it puts points on the board or changes possession.  You are just doing your job, for Pete's sake!
3. Be a team player.  If you play in a team sport, you are not any better than the team with which you play.  You might be the most talented player on your team, but you can't win the game without all the other players.
4. Play fair, because cheaters suck.  If you want to be a better player, then train for it.  No steroids, no surreptitious filming, no pine tar, no blood doping or whatever the latest cheating mechanism is.
5. Use your mind, open your heart, and help your fellow man.
6. Respect your opponents.  They have trained just as much as you have for this competition.
7. Be a part of your community.  The people in your community are the people who come to see you play and they are more likely remember you forever if they know who you are OFF the field too.  (Example: Darryl Green)

Basic Guidelines for Team Owners*

1. You own the team, not the people.
2. Owning a team does not make you an expert in the game.  That's why you hire coaches and staff.
3. Hire the best people for the job, give them the resources they need to do it well, then let them do it.
4. If you keep your employees happy, they will be more likely to respect you and do their best for you.
5. You are responsible for keeping your customers (sometimes called "fans") happy and coming back.   They are not responsible to you.

*Can you tell I'm a Redskins fan?

Basic Guidelines for Parents

1. Sports stars are NOT role models for your kids.  They are human, and sometimes they make mistakes.
2. If your kid is ultra-talented, bring him/her up with the basic truths and guidelines above so they don't turn into the idiots in sports today.

Any additions?  

Wrap it up already!

Um, I don't know if you noticed, but it's December now -- so I did not succeed in writing a post a day for November.  Ah well, I'm OK with that.  A lot happened in November!  I had three topics left:  1) A favourite movie (because of the British spelling, I'm wondering if this started as "Remember, remember, the 5^th of November"…), 2) Something I could never tire of, and 3) Three great things that happened this month.

OK, the movie is easy:  Henry V (Branagh version).  Or maybe Gladiator.  Oh no, wait, A Shadow of a Doubt – classic Hitchcock!  No… To Kill A Mockingbird.  Oooooo what about the Star Wars movies?  (Empire, of course, is the best).  Hmmm, "Empire" reminds me of Empire of the Sun – excellent Spielberg movie starring a very young Christian Bale.  Beautiful.  And then there are the kids movies – Toy Story, Wall-E, Harry Potter (not really kids movies anymore), all the Disney movies… sigh, maybe this wasn't so easy after all!  (Dang, I didn't even include Real Genius and Princess Bride!  Or The Usual Suspects or Pulp Fiction.   THE MUSICALS!!! Ohhhhh nooooo!

I think maybe I have spent far too much time in darkened theatres…

(It Happened One Night, The Philadelphia Story, Arsenic and Old Lace, Monty Python & the Holy Grail, Major League, The Thin Man, A Beautiful Mind, …)

*shake*  OK, I'll stop now!

Something I could never tire of is my snuggly kitty.  He snuggles up next to me on the couch when I'm on the laptop – and sometimes tries to sit between me and the laptop, which is a little difficult because he is 21 lbs.  When I go to sleep, I turn on my side and pat the bed and he curls up against me.  The other day he kept meowing all over the place and I couldn't figure out why because he had food, water, and a clean box.  And then I noticed that the temperature had dropped precipitously – which I hadn't realized because I was in sweats and wrapped in a blanket – and he was COLD!  So I pulled out another blanket and patted the couch next to me.  He jumped up, irritably, and I wrapped the fleece blanket around and over him, and he just snuggled right up next to me with his head on my lap.  It's about time I paid him back for all the love and snuggles he's given me!




And last but not least: three great things that happened this month.

1. My mom is OK.  A few weeks ago, she had a medical emergency and was put in the hospital. She went home from the hospital the next day and they are still trying to figure out why what happened happened, but… she's OK.  And my Dad is getting help for a different issue too, so things are looking up there.   And I'm going to drive down to visit them in December.  Yay!

2. I got to spend time with my nephew.  Yes, I know, I've already talked about him a lot.  But I hadn't seen him since last Christmas!  I really enjoyed having a "date" with him to see the new Harry Potter movie at the Uptown (preceded by dinner at Spices, yum!).  He's so grown up now, even though he's still as much as kid as I am.  It's fun to see the world through the eyes of a 19-year-old again – especially when he's so much wiser than I was at that time in my life.

3. "Hair" – The Musical.  My friend "M" was able to get amazing seats (Row J) for us to see "Hair" at the Kennedy Center.  It was much fun to have dinner and a show with my "Hoodlum" friends – and WHAT a show!  I did my best not to sing along, but then got to join my friends M&G on stage with the cast to sing (and dance) the finale "Let the Sun Shine".  It was brilliant, and I still feel the good vibes and happiness that enveloped me that night!

From the Hair Online Archives

Thus endeth my "November Postage".  Even though it's December.   heeheehee

So, what's next?  This has been interesting experiment for me in a lot of ways.  I have enjoyed having a topic given to me to write about, but I also realized that I just didn't seem to have the time to write every day.  Or maybe I just didn't make the time.  Sometimes I didn't make the time because I was exhausted, but sometimes because there were just other things that were more important. 

And occasionally, I had something else I wanted to write about – and sometimes I did, but sometimes I just wound it into the given topic for the day.  And sometimes I just waited.  Maybe that's a good thing, because now I've got some topics lined up for December now.  The bad thing about it is that some of those pieces I wrote in my head are… gone.  Must have been BRILLIANT, right? hahahaha

All right, night night!

p.s. Thanks to my sister for the pics of my nephew and parents!